Probability Punters Gifts

'Probability Institute' '4-1, 2-3, even'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

"Woah - random!"

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

Math Jokes

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

...Isolated clumps of strange matter pop briefly out of the quantum foam to debate the possible existence of particle physicists.

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

Saloon Selectives

Time and money on a seesaw are equals.

'Who leads Russia?'

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

"Let's face it, you could back the wrong horse in a one-horse race!"

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

The Stand-up Petrophysicist...

Two particles outside Hadron Collider; 'Fancy getting smashed this evening?'

When statisticians argue.

'I'm just calculating the probability of my getting tenure in this university.'

Bureau of statistics and probability

"Any volunteers to sell their souls to Satan?"

'No wonder they call themselves Miracle Vineyards. The label says this red is 50 Merlot, 50 Cabernet and 50 Sangiovese.'

Probability: 10,000-1, 150-1, 6-1, 2-5, 1-20, 50-1, 10,000-1.

I think the word you are hunting for is 'plummet'.

Three Unwise Men

'It's like shooting fish in a barrel, except you're in Vegas and the barrel's in New York.'

"I brought my wife a mink for her birthday, but she refuses to clean out its cage."

'Now we know why they call this the SNUG!'