Probability Punster Gifts

Bureau of statistics and probability

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

I think you're ace

Dogs life

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Math Jokes

...Isolated clumps of strange matter pop briefly out of the quantum foam to debate the possible existence of particle physicists.

Hamlet.

'Well doctor, is it serious?'

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"Hmmmm. I'll bluff. Then they'll counter-bluff, so if I counter-counter-bluff...password should do it."

"Photons have mass, but their rest mass is zero."

"No thanks. I'm not interested in being the, 'official prophet of the NFL.'"

'Not too serious just a couple of particles collided.'

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

Time and money on a seesaw are equals.

Surfin' the web.

Timmy Gets Solitary.

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

Two particles outside Hadron Collider; 'Fancy getting smashed this evening?'

The Stand-up Petrophysicist...

'Well it was fine on the straight but when it hit the last curve the cartoonist lost his perspective!'

Granny's Old Tyme Prostitute Chocolate Chip Cookies

'No wonder they call themselves Miracle Vineyards. The label says this red is 50 Merlot, 50 Cabernet and 50 Sangiovese.'