Profit Punsters Gifts

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

'The days here are six months long... you'll love the daytrading.'

The Contrarian funds

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

Ask Mister Buck: Financial Expert. "Dear Mister Buck, Is it true that 'money talks'?" Yes, and it drowns out everything else!

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

Hamlet.

'There's been no confirmation, but the possible merger of two giants has sent stock prices soaring.'

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

'Yes, that will work as an elevator pitch...if your potential client works in a skyscraper...'

'I'm only doing pro-bono cases until I can find some well-paying anti-bono cases.'

Fart. Le Poot.

Where's Slinky going? To Florida, for spring training.

"I wish she's take us. She shops at the 99 scent store!"

Bought Low, Sold Lower.

-I once dreamed about carrots and peas,and then bet on two horses the next day called carrots and peas. Guess who won? -Who? -An outsider called mixed vegetables.

Happy Hour 5-6, but don't read a lot into it.

"I'd like to file a defamation suit. 'Bear markets' is a derogatory term."

"Your broker has 'comped' your meals."

"We'll pay for your move, we'll give you a bonus...in short, we'll do anything for a buck."

Al's Junk: Now selling Russian Govt. Bonds!

"Well, I changed the signs. Now you can enter your office. Thanks for waiting, sir."

"Everyone flunked Economics this semester. Interest rates were low."

Bureau of statistics and probability

Cows buying from 'Pants R us'

"Any volunteers to sell their souls to Satan?"

'I assumed this is where the market headed south, but GPS says 'southeast'.'