Finance Punster Gifts

"Everyone flunked Economics this semester. Interest rates were low."

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

I think you're ace

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

The Contrarian funds

'The days here are six months long... you'll love the daytrading.'

Ask Mister Buck: Financial Expert. "Dear Mister Buck, Is it true that 'money talks'?" Yes, and it drowns out everything else!

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

"We're a pharmaceutical company. We should be getting 'pharm' subsidies."

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

Math Jokes

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

'Give it to me straight, Doc - just how long-term should my long-term investments be?'

"The house is great, but compared to reality show realtors, you're a big disappointment."

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

...Isolated clumps of strange matter pop briefly out of the quantum foam to debate the possible existence of particle physicists.

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

'There's been no confirmation, but the possible merger of two giants has sent stock prices soaring.'

'I checked the math, Dear, and Lady Godiva actually raises property values.'

"Your manuscript is utter trash, of course. How does a half-million first printing sound to you?"

'Yes, that will work as an elevator pitch...if your potential client works in a skyscraper...'

"I need a card that says 'Thanks for going through lots with me.' I'm a realtor!"

Time and money on a seesaw are equals.

"Well, I changed the signs. Now you can enter your office. Thanks for waiting, sir."

'Sorry, no, but thanks for bringing a little laughter into my life.'

"Your broker has 'comped' your meals."

'My mortgage is underwater.'

"We'll pay for your move, we'll give you a bonus...in short, we'll do anything for a buck."