Finance Punster Pillows

"Everyone flunked Economics this semester. Interest rates were low."

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

I think you're ace

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'The days here are six months long... you'll love the daytrading.'

The Contrarian funds

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

"We're a pharmaceutical company. We should be getting 'pharm' subsidies."

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

Math Jokes

"The house is great, but compared to reality show realtors, you're a big disappointment."

'Give it to me straight, Doc - just how long-term should my long-term investments be?'

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

...Isolated clumps of strange matter pop briefly out of the quantum foam to debate the possible existence of particle physicists.

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

'There's been no confirmation, but the possible merger of two giants has sent stock prices soaring.'

"Your manuscript is utter trash, of course. How does a half-million first printing sound to you?"

'I checked the math, Dear, and Lady Godiva actually raises property values.'

'Yes, that will work as an elevator pitch...if your potential client works in a skyscraper...'

"I need a card that says 'Thanks for going through lots with me.' I'm a realtor!"

Time and money on a seesaw are equals.

"I'd like to file a defamation suit. 'Bear markets' is a derogatory term."

"Your broker has 'comped' your meals."

"We'll pay for your move, we'll give you a bonus...in short, we'll do anything for a buck."

'Sorry, no, but thanks for bringing a little laughter into my life.'

"Well, I changed the signs. Now you can enter your office. Thanks for waiting, sir."