Economic Punster Pillows

"We're a pharmaceutical company. We should be getting 'pharm' subsidies."

British savings accounts

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

"Let's not try to make this symbolic. Of anything."

The Contrarian funds

'The days here are six months long... you'll love the daytrading.'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

Bitter End

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

Statue of Liberty: Out of Service

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

Ask Mister Buck: Financial Expert. "Dear Mister Buck, Is it true that 'money talks'?" Yes, and it drowns out everything else!

"Read me the one about Ali Obama and the Forty Community Organizers."

Math Jokes

'Give it to me straight, Doc - just how long-term should my long-term investments be?'

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

'Scientists claim they have found the 'God Particle'. In a related story, they are still looking for the 'Job Creator Particle'.'

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

I wonder who's Kissinger now?

'This is what I mean about inadequate interagency cooperation.'

"You've placed me in a difficult position here, Malcolm."

"I feel that I've been given a unique opportunity to speak out on the issues."

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'Your North Pole is wobbling - you should see a spin doctor.'

'I think therefore I ham.'

'Mr. President, you have a phone call. It's the First Hen.'

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

'There's been no confirmation, but the possible merger of two giants has sent stock prices soaring.'