Profit Punsters Pillows

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

'The days here are six months long... you'll love the daytrading.'

The Contrarian funds

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

Hamlet.

'There's been no confirmation, but the possible merger of two giants has sent stock prices soaring.'

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

'Yes, that will work as an elevator pitch...if your potential client works in a skyscraper...'

'I'm only doing pro-bono cases until I can find some well-paying anti-bono cases.'

"We'll pay for your move, we'll give you a bonus...in short, we'll do anything for a buck."

Al's Junk: Now selling Russian Govt. Bonds!

"I wish she's take us. She shops at the 99 scent store!"

-I once dreamed about carrots and peas,and then bet on two horses the next day called carrots and peas. Guess who won? -Who? -An outsider called mixed vegetables.

"Your broker has 'comped' your meals."

Fart. Le Poot.

"I'd like to file a defamation suit. 'Bear markets' is a derogatory term."

"Well, I changed the signs. Now you can enter your office. Thanks for waiting, sir."

Bought Low, Sold Lower.

"Everyone flunked Economics this semester. Interest rates were low."

'I can't make ends meet, let alone justify the means.'

'No wonder they call themselves Miracle Vineyards. The label says this red is 50 Merlot, 50 Cabernet and 50 Sangiovese.'

"Any volunteers to sell their souls to Satan?"

Cows buying from 'Pants R us'

Bureau of statistics and probability