Probability Punters Pillows

'Probability Institute' '4-1, 2-3, even'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

"Woah - random!"

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

Math Jokes

Vikings to the Super bowl.

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

...Isolated clumps of strange matter pop briefly out of the quantum foam to debate the possible existence of particle physicists.

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

Saloon Selectives

'Who leads Russia?'

Time and money on a seesaw are equals.

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

Two particles outside Hadron Collider; 'Fancy getting smashed this evening?'

The Stand-up Petrophysicist...

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

"Let's face it, you could back the wrong horse in a one-horse race!"

When statisticians argue.

'I'm just calculating the probability of my getting tenure in this university.'

"Any volunteers to sell their souls to Satan?"

Math Dept. I can't move my hand to indicate "Hello" anymore. You mean your wave function has collapsed?

School. I can't believe I didn't get the job teaching math! Maybe you shouldn't have said you'd give one hundred and ten percent!

'No wonder they call themselves Miracle Vineyards. The label says this red is 50 Merlot, 50 Cabernet and 50 Sangiovese.'

Bureau of statistics and probability

67 79 97. I thought they'd be more vigorous. I said they're "primes," not "in their prime." 30.

Probability: 10,000-1, 150-1, 6-1, 2-5, 1-20, 50-1, 10,000-1.

'Now we know why they call this the SNUG!'

I think the word you are hunting for is 'plummet'.

Three Unwise Men

'It's like shooting fish in a barrel, except you're in Vegas and the barrel's in New York.'