Predictive Punter Pillows

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'We're under a lot of time-pressure here, so we'll need to jump to conclusions.'

Fan-Centric Stadium

"No thanks. I'm not interested in being the, 'official prophet of the NFL.'"

"I take it the tortoise wasn't available."

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Saloon Selectives

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

"We did the sequel, we did the prequel. There's only one option left: zombies."

'Well it was fine on the straight but when it hit the last curve the cartoonist lost his perspective!'

Early man had 127 words for rock...and no words for anything else.

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

Bureau of statistics and probability

'Oh, yes, he's patriotic alright - only uses the Red Lion, the White Hart and the Blue Boar!!'

Gambler And Umpire

Three Unwise Men

The Return of Football

Donkey Fights

"A Japanese company will deliver to us for �6.75 a thousand."

"I think we need to spend some time apart."

'I'm really quite religious. I pray every time I buy a lottery ticket.'

'Sir, I would recommend the putter for your tee-shot.'

"I'm expecting a big win on the horses."

"You're Not Bending Your Knees."

'Probability Institute' '4-1, 2-3, even'

"My paycheque this month is actually less than I made on the football pool."