Pitchside Punter Pillows

Fan-Centric Stadium

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

World Cup Fever

Vikings to the Super bowl.

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Saloon Selectives

"Don't waste your money,dearie-there's only one score draw next Saturday!"

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

"We can patch 'em, but you'd have to settle for half-decent intentions."

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

'Look, I don't know what repulsive smelly thing I just ate, but I know what I like.'

Football will be penalised...

School. I can't believe I didn't get the job teaching math! Maybe you shouldn't have said you'd give one hundred and ten percent!

'Oh, yes, he's patriotic alright - only uses the Red Lion, the White Hart and the Blue Boar!!'

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

Use the word "pail" around the chickens. The word "bucket" scares them.

Three Unwise Men

Man at the winnings collection point in the bookie's is asleep.

Gambler And Umpire

The Return of Football

Donkey Fights

"A Japanese company will deliver to us for �6.75 a thousand."

'I'm really quite religious. I pray every time I buy a lottery ticket.'

"I think we need to spend some time apart."

"You're Not Bending Your Knees."

"My paycheque this month is actually less than I made on the football pool."

'Hey, it's my first retirement check!'