Playful Punter Pillows

Gambler And Umpire

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

Fan-Centric Stadium

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

'Hopefully this will not have a negative impact on my dinner.'

Hamlet.

'What he lacks in speed he gains in nose.'

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

'To save the state the expense of a trial, I thought I'd run off to Spain.'

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

Surfin' the web.

Saloon Selectives

A Good Bet.

'One of the quickest ways to meet people is to pick up the wrong ball'

"Don't waste your money,dearie-there's only one score draw next Saturday!"

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

Timmy Gets Solitary.

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

'Oh, yes, he's patriotic alright - only uses the Red Lion, the White Hart and the Blue Boar!!'

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

'I hope you get an ice cream headache!'

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

"It's ok - you're not the first man to lose his head over a pretty girl. . ."

Granny's Old Tyme Prostitute Chocolate Chip Cookies