Pun-loving Punter Pillows

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Do it yourself books.

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

Bitter End

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'What do you mean I used to be cute?'

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'You give me goose bumps!'

Weather forecast

'What he lacks in speed he gains in nose.'

'I can't help you, it seems you really are npsycuts!'

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

The static electric eel is very rare.

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'