Pun-loving Putter Pillows

'I learned a new word today!'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Your French dip, sir.'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

hard-boiled egg...

Fast food. Even faster food

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"You're such a good listener."

"I guess I'm more of a why-wolf."

Stoneage puncture repair kit...

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'I believe we've located the cause of your back problem, Mrs. Kangaroo.'