Cheeky Punter Pillows

Man at the winnings collection point in the bookie's is asleep.

'Your shoe's untied.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'What's the best kind of glue to fix a TV screen?'

"We've invented a new word!"

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

'Now that should make it a lot easier.'

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

'What he lacks in speed he gains in nose.'

Hamlet.

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

'He's using a cheat sheet, ump! Can he do that?'

A Good Bet.

Surfin' the web.

5,- euro and I'll show you how to hustle 5,- Euro from a doofus!!"

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

"When it comes to hide and seek I think this might be cheating."

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

Timmy Gets Solitary.

'I can't come to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty, little bug.'

'You're right, there's nothing in the rules against it.'

(anteater sticking its tongue at passers-by)

'I hope you get an ice cream headache!'