Pothole Punter Pillows

"We can patch 'em, but you'd have to settle for half-decent intentions."

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

Welcome to Elmville "Home of the world's biggest pothole." The mayor sure knows how to make the best of a bad situation!

Fan-Centric Stadium

Solution to chuckholes...and have fun, too!

'I normally don't ride a dirt bike, but my motorcycle doesn't do well on potholes.'

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

"Dad, can we go for a ride in the car? All the potholes makes it seem like I'm on a fun carnival ride."

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Tour de Pothole.

Road repair crew in denial ('Personally, I don't see a problem here.')

Saloon Selectives

"Must dash - I'm appearing in a 'restaurant soup' cartoon this afternoon..."

"I like running on the street. Jumping over all the potholes gives me a great workout."

"Don't waste your money,dearie-there's only one score draw next Saturday!"

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

'I'm getting pretty tired of all these potholes.'

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

"It will be your job to create major delays."

'Twenty quid will be great, I'll give you it back on Thursday when I get my Giro.'

Use the word "pail" around the chickens. The word "bucket" scares them.

Gambler And Umpire

Donkey Fights

"I think we need to spend some time apart."

The God's football

'Before we closed the street and put up lights, it was a pothole.'

"You're Not Bending Your Knees."

"My paycheque this month is actually less than I made on the football pool."

"Tell me what you know about destiny." "It's running in the 330 at Ascot."