Football Pool Punter Pillows

"Don't waste your money,dearie-there's only one score draw next Saturday!"

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

I think you're ace

'Is the water cold?'

"Hey Kevin! Care to enter the office football pool?"

"Hey Kevin! Care to enter the office football pool!"

Hands off my IP

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

'I'll have a Martini, Jack. Extra dry.'

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

Fisherman catches swimmer.

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Shark in the swimming pool.

Saloon Selectives

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

"We can patch 'em, but you'd have to settle for half-decent intentions."

'The kidney shape was a cool idea. Reminds us what you sold to pay for it.'

"Try splashing me now."

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

Gambler And Umpire

'Twenty quid will be great, I'll give you it back on Thursday when I get my Giro.'

The Return of Football

Man at the winnings collection point in the bookie's is asleep.

Donkey Fights

'Cricket Hits - By Dumb-Crambo, off his own bat.'

Swimming lanes in a bathtub

J.S. Balk

The God's football

"I think we need to spend some time apart."

Shark in the water polo pool.

-Sorry, I was ill yesterday -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the 5th leg!

"You're Not Bending Your Knees."