Football Pool Punter Gifts

"Don't waste your money,dearie-there's only one score draw next Saturday!"

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

I think you're ace

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'Is the water cold?'

"Hey Kevin! Care to enter the office football pool?"

"Hey Kevin! Care to enter the office football pool!"

'I'll have a Martini, Jack. Extra dry.'

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

Hands off my IP

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

Fisherman catches swimmer.

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

Shark in the swimming pool.

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Saloon Selectives

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

"We can patch 'em, but you'd have to settle for half-decent intentions."

'The kidney shape was a cool idea. Reminds us what you sold to pay for it.'

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

"Try splashing me now."

The Return of Football

'Twenty quid will be great, I'll give you it back on Thursday when I get my Giro.'

Man at the winnings collection point in the bookie's is asleep.

Gambler And Umpire

Donkey Fights

'Cricket Hits - By Dumb-Crambo, off his own bat.'

Swimming lanes in a bathtub

The God's football

J.S. Balk

"I think we need to spend some time apart."

-Sorry, I was ill yesterday -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the 5th leg!

Shark in the water polo pool.

"You're Not Bending Your Knees."