Football Punter Gifts

"My paycheque this month is actually less than I made on the football pool."

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

World Cup Fever

Fan-Centric Stadium

Vikings to the Super bowl.

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

"Bretheren and Sistern out there in Congregational Land!"

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Saloon Selectives

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

"Don't waste your money,dearie-there's only one score draw next Saturday!"

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

"We can patch 'em, but you'd have to settle for half-decent intentions."

Early man had 127 words for rock...and no words for anything else.

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

'Oh, yes, he's patriotic alright - only uses the Red Lion, the White Hart and the Blue Boar!!'

School. I can't believe I didn't get the job teaching math! Maybe you shouldn't have said you'd give one hundred and ten percent!

'Twenty quid will be great, I'll give you it back on Thursday when I get my Giro.'

Gambler And Umpire

Three Unwise Men

Man at the winnings collection point in the bookie's is asleep.

The Return of Football

Donkey Fights

"A Japanese company will deliver to us for �6.75 a thousand."

'I'm really quite religious. I pray every time I buy a lottery ticket.'

"I think we need to spend some time apart."

"You're Not Bending Your Knees."