Premier League Punter Gifts

The Return of Football

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

World Cup Fever

Fan-Centric Stadium

Vikings to the Super bowl.

"Not too much off my back."

'What he lacks in speed he gains in nose.'

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

A Good Bet.

Saloon Selectives

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

"Must dash - I'm appearing in a 'restaurant soup' cartoon this afternoon..."

"Don't waste your money,dearie-there's only one score draw next Saturday!"

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

'Oh, yes, he's patriotic alright - only uses the Red Lion, the White Hart and the Blue Boar!!'

School. I can't believe I didn't get the job teaching math! Maybe you shouldn't have said you'd give one hundred and ten percent!

Gambler And Umpire

Three Unwise Men

Man at the winnings collection point in the bookie's is asleep.

Use the word "pail" around the chickens. The word "bucket" scares them.

"We all float down here....Except for the pound, of course!"

Donkey Fights

"A Japanese company will deliver to us for �6.75 a thousand."

"I think we need to spend some time apart."

"You're Not Bending Your Knees."

"My paycheque this month is actually less than I made on the football pool."

"Tell me what you know about destiny." "It's running in the 330 at Ascot."