Pro Shop Manager Gifts

'Do you have any golf balls that are not attracted to water, sand or trees?'

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Cut Price

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

High security Santa's grotto

Kid with messed up project in Wood Shop, titled: 'Wouldn't Shop'

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

"We're odd looking but just as good."

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

Toys were me: lessons learned never growing up

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

Price may vary with weather.

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

Orderly Conduct of Sales

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

Vintage Dresses: Your Frock Exchange

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

SupermarketAwful Market.

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

'Gents toilet? Ah, got me there...'

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"