Showroom Manager Gifts

"I'll take any model here so long as it's got a full tank."

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

Cut Price

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"We're odd looking but just as good."

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"Our business is based on breakthroughs."

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

Stationery Shop

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

Price may vary with weather.

'Do you have any golf balls that are not attracted to water, sand or trees?'

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

Orderly Conduct of Sales

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

"I'd say business was brisk."

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

"It goes from the factory to us in $29,500."

SupermarketAwful Market.

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

Self-Checkout.

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

Office Supplies: New and improved motivational posters, now with 25% more inspiration.

"Are you mad with us, Mrs. Bimmelman?"