Pro Shop Manager T-Shirts

'Do you have any golf balls that are not attracted to water, sand or trees?'

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Cut Price

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

High security Santa's grotto

Kid with messed up project in Wood Shop, titled: 'Wouldn't Shop'

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

"We're odd looking but just as good."

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

Toys were me: lessons learned never growing up

Price may vary with weather.

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

Orderly Conduct of Sales

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

SupermarketAwful Market.

Vintage Dresses: Your Frock Exchange

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

Low Hanging Fruit

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'