Prison Tale Collector Gifts

"How long have those two been inside?"

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

Who's Dead

'Sure we've got a lot of anger. We also got a lot cement.'

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

"Same hectic routine every damn year. Mind if I hang back with you?"

'I've been knocking for ages!'

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

'I'm in for being a killer. You?'

"It's a Plodcast!"

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

'Hi. I'm Don.'

Brothers Grimm

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

Oliver's reception by Fagin and the boys

Stolen Crime Books.

"Can you hear me now?"

"Oh, and a five and five ones."

"No ham in this, I hope?"

Homeless man's sign: 'Will sell book & movie rights to the story of my downfall for a cool million.'

Prompts on the Antiques Roadshow.

'This one belonged to a little old lady with weak eyes.'

'There's one clever man, he managed to lose almost a billion dollars before they caught him.'

Three Little Pigs Insurance Scam.

Caught with a smoking gun.

"We met online."

"Ow! Rotten stinking sky!!"

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

'He's not a patient. He's an antique collector. He's interested in the magazines in our waiting room.'

"Son, take this watch. My father stole it from an Englishman and I'm sick of taking heat from interpol."

Do you believe in free love?

The boy whose hair was on fire about some kind of wolf thing