Prison Page-turner Gifts

"Damn! I forgot to bring a book."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

"I stole me a pot of gold. That's how I became a Lepre-CON."

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

Sweet Jailbreak

Prison Wallpaper.

'I'm in for being a killer. You?'

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

'I was okay with the library and rec room, but the wall climbing has got me nervous.'

'If you don't mnage to have enough sunshine you should eat more of oily fish, black caviare, eggs and butter.'

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

'Unfortunately The Hounds of The Baskerville were my role models.'

"No ham in this, I hope?"

You gonna eat your pickle?

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Put off the escape until tomorrow - I've only enough food in the house for one..."

'It must have been quite a mid-life crisis if they gave you 30 years for it.'

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

Earl's magic show was very popular with his fellow inmates

Barnaby in Newgate

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

'Tell you what - you've really caught the sun to-day.'

'It wouldn't hurt you to visit me once in a while!'

'The warden said, no...you may not call in an interior decorator.'

'It was a woman. . .I was snitched by a pigeonette.'

'Why did you leave your last job after being there for twenty years?' 'I got paroled.'

"Refusal to Obey a Police Officer. You?"

'It was the 'nothing but the truth' part that tripped me up.'

"It's hard to believe you've served 14 years already for armed robbery. I lose all track of time when I'm shopping."

"It's an 'un'care package from my ex-wife." "Ooooh... is that K-Y Jelly?!"