Prison Intrigue Gifts

'I hate Mondays.'

"Maybe our beloved founder is trying to tell us something."

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.

"Encouraging dissent is a good way of finding out who the traitors are."

"Pretty good day. I wasn't linked to anything incriminating."

Trilby - 'Confession

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

"It's a plant based solution."

"Damned if they do and damned if they don't? This is BRILLIANT work, everybody! Why didn't we think of this before?"

'We only stay together for the sake of the Holy Roman Empire.'

'Yes, Frank, yes. That's how my body will fall when you kill me, and your laughter will echo down the corridors...'

UN agreements.

"I tell you, he's up to no good. He spends hours on the dark web."

"Just tell us what we want to know, and you can sit in the comfortable chair."

"Psst. Can you keep a secret?"

In The Bastille

'I had a good share and tell, Ms. Gibbs, but my family made me sign a confidentiality agreement.'

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

"Take a long drink, son. Someday it will all be yours."

"Well, well, well. Harris was the mole all along!"

"Did you find the captain's log?"

CIA, 'Chief, I've got a lead on Victoria's Secret!'

"Guilty of something. I can just tell."

Identity theft. You?

'I'm a celebrity now...so get me out of here!'

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Ohmygosh! What? What? Is a Kardashian here? Major scandal. Epic proportions. Infidelity of the highest order. Sadie Cohen has been cheating on Uncle Mort. Can you believe it? Sadie! The very image of perfection revealed as a fraud! She's not the image of perfection. Stick with me. This is for narrative purposes. Oh, fine. No way! But she's so perfect!

'Thanks, but I don't need a lawyer. I'm going to tell the truth.'

'Tiptoe it by legal.'

'I've always thought it was about time that lawyers replace bankers at the top table where big M&A deals were being done.'

IRS Have Your Tax Explained Here.

The secrets of corporations plant location needs.