Prison Documentary Fan Gifts

Preferred Prisons

"I like your new cage!"

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"Can I still do my pilates?"

"What are you thinking of, Dear?" "Oh just something I said to Robert Mueller."

Visitation Day at the Bug Jar

'One of the guards is leaiving, would you like to make a contribution to his farewell gift?'

Prisoner decorating his cell.

'Before you go to prison, Sims, I'd like to give you this award as 'Scapegoat of the Year'.'

'It's not a Ponzi scheme. It's a Ponzi FUND.'

"I know that pretty tune! You're the bloke who tinkles away in all those tv documentaries. Irritating!"

"Escape Thursday? But that's Bar-B-Qued pork night!"

"This is Cliff. He's a neo-con."

'I guess it all started the day my mom said, son, if you put your mind to it, there's nothing you can't do.'

"I thought I'd never find you. Your coworkers only say you're away from your desk."

'It's windy this morning.'

"Surely it can't be twenty-five years already!"

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

A prison with a conservatory attached.

'I'm getting into a rut -- campaign, election, indictment, parole... campaign, election, indictment, parole....'

"You're doing 20-to-life. What do you mean you haven't got time to floss?"

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

'I made good money - until they added colour to the twenty dollar bills.'

"I had everyone fooled. Could have got away with it, too, if he had just kept his big mouth shut."

"Scientists believe a prehistoric man found encased in a glacier may be a victim of assault." They should bring in a cold case specialist.

'Well, I'd best be off, Arthur, the clink of glasses behind bars and all that...'

Prison ain't so bad- ? -aside from all the metrosexual activity.

"I got eight to twelve years, which was in line with Wall Street expectations."

'Enforcers are SO yesterday. I've got NHS managers to take care of that part of the business.'

'Don't worry, I didn't tell them anything they didn't already suspect.'

"He says he won't wear a mask."

'Look on the bright side, think of all the money you saved by conducting your own defence.'

Identity theft. You?

"He stole my heart, I stole his wallet. – Now that's what I call vengeance."

'I'm a celebrity now...so get me out of here!'