Pretension Investigator Gifts

Film Critic

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"Procurement and their stakeholder journey down the procurement pathway... Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

'If nobody has any money, where did it all go?'

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

"Coffee?! After 20 minutes of waiting, I'm FULLY awake without one."

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

Bumper Limos

One latte? That'll be $4.50. That apple fritter sounds good. I'll have that too. Ok. Anything else? No, that's it. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. That's all. That'll be $9.00 even. Ooh, are those macaroons fresh? I'll have a macaroon too. One latte, one apple fritter and one macaroon, and that's it. Well what are you waiting for? I don't have all day.

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

"It looked better on pinterest."

The interminable!

"They discovered an Earthlike planet, and it's close." "Earthlike?" "Does it have oceans and beaches and sensual ladies who like to gaze at sunsets?" "It may have liquid water. And it's orbiting a red dwarf, so it'll always look like sunset." "But is there anyone there to whisper sweet nothings to?" "I know a guy at NASA. If they send a probe, maybe he could add your dating profile."

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

"I can recommend the snails, if you don't mind waiting."

"Go already! Stop letting them in! Just think of yourself!!"

Autumn Leaves

God hounded by the media.

Wine...Spirits...

"I've got a lot of stuff, a ton of coupons, and I pay by check, so all you behind me...get comfortable!"

'The fish only bite twice a day here, once before we get here and again after we leave.'

'Well, what did you expect?'

"Sorry about the long wait, but good news. Other than long waits in waiting rooms, I can't find any other causes for your irritability."

The Tedious Adventures of Mr. Sloth...

'Look, it's nothing to be ashamed of. We chose to get married before living together.'

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

Either one of us is pregnant, or he's lost his watch again!

"Oh, and I've started seeing a therapist."

Selling to the devil.

Limbo services: 'what gives...this line hasn't moved for hours!'

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of Article L in your prenuptial agreement clearly states ... '

Wentworth patiently waits for his receipt.