Press Release Perfectionist Gifts

Police Dept. Public Information Office. This press release should say "We have not yet gathered evidence," not "We're clueless"!

'We take Press Release Embargoes very seriously here, Fanshaw...'

"Great work, Smith. I must say, it's heartening to read a press release that both honors and builds upon the time-honored tradition of artisanal, hand-crafted gobbledygook!"

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

D.I.Y

"I put the speed on reckless. . ."

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'Aren't you glad we brought our putters, too?'

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

Golf lessons

'Not that slowly back...'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"Well, I've finished the project on time and on budget!" "That means I've given you too much time and too much money!"

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

For sale - Used only Once.

"No, I'm still getting too much banjo."

Perfection

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

"Installed it himself ??" saved $50."

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

'Don't ask me, I've never got one in a hole either.'

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

Santa's Out Tray.

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'