Press Release Perfectionist Pillows

'We take Press Release Embargoes very seriously here, Fanshaw...'

"Great work, Smith. I must say, it's heartening to read a press release that both honors and builds upon the time-honored tradition of artisanal, hand-crafted gobbledygook!"

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

"I put the speed on reckless. . ."

D.I.Y

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'Aren't you glad we brought our putters, too?'

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

Golf lessons

'Not that slowly back...'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

"Well, I've finished the project on time and on budget!" "That means I've given you too much time and too much money!"

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

For sale - Used only Once.

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

"No, I'm still getting too much banjo."

Perfection

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

"Installed it himself ??" saved $50."

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

'Don't ask me, I've never got one in a hole either.'

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

"You're welcome."

'this is the only place where no one is fooling around with the genes.'

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'