Preschool Humorist Gifts

BUSINESS PRESCHOOL

The Count goes number two... two...

This will never work. I'm a night person.'

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

'Right, who threw that?' (giant pupil in class).

"I lost my taste for his homework when it came burned on a CD."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Monitor lizard becomes milk monitor.

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

'School was really exciting today -- they busted up a meth lab in chemistry class.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"I DO have a note from my doctor...but nobody can read it!"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

Children's Nursery

'Let's play doctor - I'll listen to your heart and you give me all your allowance.'

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

'It's in case I need a laugh track.'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

Therapy for babies.

Welcome to algebra. As freshmen, you are the unknown variable X. After 32 years, I ask myself Y?

'I figured if 1 is good for milk, why not schoolwork, too?'