Preparing For A Vacation Gifts

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

"With the way the weather is these days I went ahead and packed my bathing suit, sun screen and cross country skis."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

'I'd say your caravan's a tad overloaded, sir.'

Airlines

"First class, or with children?"

'I want to visit the very EDGE of civilisation, to explore the BRUTAL shores of natures most REMOTE regions. If you could manage that with a five star hotel and first class travel it would be perfect.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

Grand Canyon. What's so great about the Grand Canyon?...Most of it's missing!

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

'Buying the inflight entertainment system was a great idea of yours, Dear...'

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'Hey - I love your new Bermuda triangle shorts.'

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'How very Cumbria.'

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

"Lets find another beach, this one has too much competition."

Camping.

"I always forget how much louder they sound in the country."

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

'My wife is going to kill me. All her shopping coupons are in that lost luggage.'

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

"I'm sorry- I can barely hear you with this goddam ocean behind me."

'We would like an unspoiled paradise, but with lots of shops.'

'After researching our dream vacation online with reviews, commentaries, we cams and pictures, we felt we'd been there and didn't need the trip!'

'See you in two weeks!'

"Honey, can you read through our list and let me know if I forgot anything?"

Travelogue

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

"You just had to book the economy cruise, didn't you?"