Planning Vacation Gifts

"There's a less crowded and more attractive beach at the newly renovated, moderately priced Hotel del Mar, in nearby . . ."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

'I'd say your caravan's a tad overloaded, sir.'

"First class, or with children?"

Airlines

'I want to visit the very EDGE of civilisation, to explore the BRUTAL shores of natures most REMOTE regions. If you could manage that with a five star hotel and first class travel it would be perfect.'

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

Grand Canyon. What's so great about the Grand Canyon?...Most of it's missing!

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

Packed boats of families on a seaside holidays

Welcome To New York City...Subject to the following conditions.

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

'Buying the inflight entertainment system was a great idea of yours, Dear...'

"I can't wait for vacation - I'm going to go sun myself in a south-facing window."

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'How very Cumbria.'

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'Hey - I love your new Bermuda triangle shorts.'

"Lets find another beach, this one has too much competition."

'Oh, rustic used to mean 'no indoor plumbing', but now it means, 'No computers'!'

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

"I always forget how much louder they sound in the country."

Camping.

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

'My wife is going to kill me. All her shopping coupons are in that lost luggage.'

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

"I'm sorry- I can barely hear you with this goddam ocean behind me."

'We would like an unspoiled paradise, but with lots of shops.'