Planning A Dream Vacation Gifts

"We're looking for a five star hotel with excellent restaurants, facilities, transport and local attractions, but no tourists."

"We've waited twenty-five years to make this trip, and we're certainly not interested in getting there in any six and a half hours."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

Easter Island legs

'I'd say your caravan's a tad overloaded, sir.'

Airlines

"First class, or with children?"

'I want to visit the very EDGE of civilisation, to explore the BRUTAL shores of natures most REMOTE regions. If you could manage that with a five star hotel and first class travel it would be perfect.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

Grand Canyon. What's so great about the Grand Canyon?...Most of it's missing!

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'How very Cumbria.'

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

"Lets find another beach, this one has too much competition."

'My wife is going to kill me. All her shopping coupons are in that lost luggage.'

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

Camping.

'We would like an unspoiled paradise, but with lots of shops.'

"Honey, can you read through our list and let me know if I forgot anything?"

'See you in two weeks!'

'After researching our dream vacation online with reviews, commentaries, we cams and pictures, we felt we'd been there and didn't need the trip!'

Travelogue

"You just had to book the economy cruise, didn't you?"

There is no hurricane season in Aruba...

I travelled to get away from it all. All I got away from was my luggage.

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

Canada's winter survival kit.

"Hey guys - wrote a new song! It's called 'I suggested Paris.' And a' one, two three..."