Preparing For Vacation Gifts

"He's looking for something for the beach."

"I figure the airline will lose my suitcase, so I packed cothes from my donation pile."

"I've managed to arrange cover while you're on holiday. Janet has cancelled her honeymoon and John will probably be able to have his operation next year. You just go off and enjoy yourself."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

'I'd say your caravan's a tad overloaded, sir.'

"First class, or with children?"

Airlines

'I want to visit the very EDGE of civilisation, to explore the BRUTAL shores of natures most REMOTE regions. If you could manage that with a five star hotel and first class travel it would be perfect.'

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

Grand Canyon. What's so great about the Grand Canyon?...Most of it's missing!

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

'Buying the inflight entertainment system was a great idea of yours, Dear...'

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

'How very Cumbria.'

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'Hey - I love your new Bermuda triangle shorts.'

"Lets find another beach, this one has too much competition."

"I always forget how much louder they sound in the country."

Camping.

'My wife is going to kill me. All her shopping coupons are in that lost luggage.'

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

Excess Baggage: In the old days folks called 2 weeks with 4 kids in a non-air conditioned car a vacation.

"I'm sorry- I can barely hear you with this goddam ocean behind me."

'We would like an unspoiled paradise, but with lots of shops.'

'See you in two weeks!'

"Honey, can you read through our list and let me know if I forgot anything?"

'After researching our dream vacation online with reviews, commentaries, we cams and pictures, we felt we'd been there and didn't need the trip!'

'If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room.'

Travelogue