Prehistoric Parenting Gifts

Before birds and bees,

'Oh, my wife invented that -- it's for mashing potatoes.'

'What would your mum say if she saw you drawing all over the wall like that?'

The first car accident.

Ancient Racing

"I don’t know what your invention’s called, but it’s really irritating."

"Wheel, schmeel—check these babies out!"

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

The discovery of asparagus.

Those Were The Days

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

"Or we could tally the sheep like this."

"I told you a firecracker behind his back didn't seem like a good idea!"

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

'My father is very hard to communicate with ? he only knows nouns and interjections.'

Early accounting scandals.

"Plagiarist!"

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

'Now listen: The big hairy ones are the hunters, while the smaller ones with long hair are the gatherers...'

'Why is it always me that has to put the cat out?'

A prehistoric football match.

A caveman rubs two sticks together and gets a computer.

'Of course she can talk - She INVENTED talking.'

'It's the Mesolithic Age? - But I just got used to the PALEOlithic!'

"Too much club."

'Gentlemen, invent your engines.'

'It's the Mesolithic Age? - But I just got used to the PALEOlithic!'

"That guys is stealing my data!"

'...You're just not built to take selfies.'

"Google Earth must have a defective camera. There's a big red spot above our location."

Mammoth Posing

"It's a giant banana but is it an organic giant banana?"

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.