Prehistoric Comedy Gifts

'As a safety feature, I flattened one side.'

"If you're tired of stegosaur, go kill something else."

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

As the world emerges from the last ice age Ug & Og discuss a historic agreement to reduce CO2 emissions from woolly mammoth barbecues.

"Please! No harmonizing during ululations!"

"While you were working on fire, I was working on my satellite. Once we figure out how to launch it into the heavens, other inventions will follow, like phones, GPS, weather predictions. . ."

'You realize, of course, there's a seven-day waiting period.'

"Take that mammoth back. It's not 'wooly' enough."

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

"I've considered portraiture, but everyone is so ugly."

Early on-line shopping

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

"Don't bother gathering carbs for me, I'm on the Paleo diet."

'You can't believe a word he says since he invented the subjunctive.'

'The hard part will be writing the tutorial.'

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'I'm telling you Dad: Walking upright and using tools is the way of the future...'

"Is it free-range?"

Carbon Dating

"Google Earth must have a defective camera. There's a big red spot above our location."

'This cd is Earth and Wind. There is no fire, yet.'

'We had seven gloriously happy years together, and then he learned how to talk.'

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

"I think I know what your problem is. Not enough PR."

'Gentlemen, invent your engines.'

"Hey Arthur, check it out, a shooting star. That's a sure sign of luck, my friend."

"I like the idea, but is it scaleable?"

'Do you mind if I share your post on my wall?'