Prediction Skeptics Gifts

"Tomorrow will start dark, get lighter, and then get dark again."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

Progress?

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

"We no longer use Astrology or crystal balls. We now use algorithms to predict the future."

'I'd rather we don't mention this in the annual report.'

This horse isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

Never mind spring. What do you predict for the economy?

'In an effort to make our economic reporting and projections more accurate, our resident weatherman will be delivering the economic news.'

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

'They did it again - not a word in the weather report about an ice age.'

Assets $2,400,000,000 Liabilities $4,6000,000,000 Government Bailout $2,200,000,000

Fortune teller: 'If you want a second opinion, my sister reads tarot cards.'

'I'm looking for a short synopsis of the future in digital format.'

How Supply-Side Economics Works.

"That's because supply exceeds demand."

"I'm only wearing one globe because the weather forecast said that toay it might be warm, but on the other hand it might be cold."

EuroPygmees

"Johnson's our head of forecasting, he alos works part-time as a successful science fiction writer."

'We can tell the public, ' the good news is we've eliminated the middleman, The bad news is we've eliminated a lot of other jobs.''

"Having conducted a thorough analysis of the data it appears clear that profits will go either up, or down, unless of course they stay the same."

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons that the dollar...'

'Today's horoscope...Uranus is shining brightly and you'll have a chance encounter with a Leo...Huh!...what a load of mumbo jumbo'

'. . . What if we sell Britain as an offshore platform to the EU and lease it back from them?'

"If you never date a prediction it can't be proved wrong."

Hello National Rail Enquiries.. mystic meg speaking.."