Prediction Skeptics Pillows

"Tomorrow will start dark, get lighter, and then get dark again."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

Progress?

How Trickle Down Economics Work

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

"We no longer use Astrology or crystal balls. We now use algorithms to predict the future."

'I'd rather we don't mention this in the annual report.'

This horse isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

Never mind spring. What do you predict for the economy?

'In an effort to make our economic reporting and projections more accurate, our resident weatherman will be delivering the economic news.'

Fortune teller: 'If you want a second opinion, my sister reads tarot cards.'

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

'They did it again - not a word in the weather report about an ice age.'

Assets $2,400,000,000 Liabilities $4,6000,000,000 Government Bailout $2,200,000,000

'I'm looking for a short synopsis of the future in digital format.'

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

How Supply-Side Economics Works.

"That's because supply exceeds demand."

'We can tell the public, ' the good news is we've eliminated the middleman, The bad news is we've eliminated a lot of other jobs.''

"Johnson's our head of forecasting, he alos works part-time as a successful science fiction writer."

"I'm only wearing one globe because the weather forecast said that toay it might be warm, but on the other hand it might be cold."

EuroPygmees

"Having conducted a thorough analysis of the data it appears clear that profits will go either up, or down, unless of course they stay the same."

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons that the dollar...'

'Today's horoscope...Uranus is shining brightly and you'll have a chance encounter with a Leo...Huh!...what a load of mumbo jumbo'

Hello National Rail Enquiries.. mystic meg speaking.."

'. . . What if we sell Britain as an offshore platform to the EU and lease it back from them?'