Forecast Skeptics Gifts

"I'm only wearing one globe because the weather forecast said that toay it might be warm, but on the other hand it might be cold."

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'I hate all holidays!'

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

"Remember that optimistic, slightly crazy, throw a dart at the wall forecast? We beat it."

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

"What the hell happened to this town?"

'I have trouble believing in global warming when it's so cold that my nipples and p***s are the same size.'

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

This horse isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

"What's Tim doing on the window ledge?"

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

Never mind spring. What do you predict for the economy?

'In an effort to make our economic reporting and projections more accurate, our resident weatherman will be delivering the economic news.'

Weather bar

Assets $2,400,000,000 Liabilities $4,6000,000,000 Government Bailout $2,200,000,000

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

'They did it again - not a word in the weather report about an ice age.'

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

How Supply-Side Economics Works.

"Someday, God willing, they'll bring the stars down to our eye level so we don't have to strain our necks."

"Remember, we must project the illusion that our main responsibility is to our stockholders."

EuroPygmees

'We can tell the public, ' the good news is we've eliminated the middleman, The bad news is we've eliminated a lot of other jobs.''

"It'h thnowing. . .me no like thnow in thpring. . . "

Uninhabital USA.

'Houston..Er..I don't know how to tell you this..'

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons that the dollar...'