Forecast Skeptics Gifts

"I'm only wearing one globe because the weather forecast said that toay it might be warm, but on the other hand it might be cold."

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'I hate all holidays!'

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

"Remember that optimistic, slightly crazy, throw a dart at the wall forecast? We beat it."

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

'I have trouble believing in global warming when it's so cold that my nipples and p***s are the same size.'

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

"What the hell happened to this town?"

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

How Trickle Down Economics Work

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

This horse isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

"What's Tim doing on the window ledge?"

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

The science doesn't prove global warming. Stop the fraud. So why save gas because bad things "might" happen in 50 years? Global warming is hot air. Because we're going broke importing oil from countries that hate us today? Lemme see our talking points. Global warming is hot air.

Never mind spring. What do you predict for the economy?

'In an effort to make our economic reporting and projections more accurate, our resident weatherman will be delivering the economic news.'

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

Assets $2,400,000,000 Liabilities $4,6000,000,000 Government Bailout $2,200,000,000

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

'They did it again - not a word in the weather report about an ice age.'

Weather bar

How Supply-Side Economics Works.

"It'h thnowing. . .me no like thnow in thpring. . . "

EuroPygmees

"Remember, we must project the illusion that our main responsibility is to our stockholders."

What a stupid custom! I like it. Teddy. Twig. But I don't believe in Santa and neither do you. So don't hang your stocking! I do believe in mom and dad! Ahh

Uninhabital USA.

"Someday, God willing, they'll bring the stars down to our eye level so we don't have to strain our necks."

'We can tell the public, ' the good news is we've eliminated the middleman, The bad news is we've eliminated a lot of other jobs.''

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons that the dollar...'