Prediction Guru Gifts

"Of course I'm good at predicting the future. That's why I invested in a desktop."

Jack of all trades

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Will work for ETFs

"Invest in technology."

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

The Shrinking Dollar.

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'Well, dad, as a medical student I've got to read specialized literature!'

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'This is where I hang out until bullishness makes a comeback.'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

Dow Jones drop

The native sweet bay species will make a beautiful grove. They'll give you pleasure and increase your house value! Tree's tree nursery. Hmm

'I'll be in late, Ms.Fernwood. Did I get any important margin calls, default, stock splits, foreclosures or bailouts?'

Cartoon about having many investors for crowd funding.

Jumping Wall Street.

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

...I wonder who started the rumour of your resignation?

401K

"We're always excited to hear from analysts who are bullish on the market."