Pragmatic Predictor Gifts

'I see things starting to break your way. Your computer will break down. Your car will break down...'

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

"Well, there's nowhere to go but up."

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

'That is correct on so many levels Jenkins!'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"I see you coming into money, at least 50p for a cup of tea."

'Ahh...I see you travelling far and wide on a long fruitless mission but you still can't find a town centre parking space this Christmas...'

'Fortunes, Impressions, Hunches, Wild Guesses'

Never mind spring. What do you predict for the economy?

'I was trying to predict future market trends and the computer blew up!'

'The old one fell apart.'

'Do you think he'll win the second race?'

"I'll be right back."

"I'll have to cance your appointment for next Friday. I'm going to be sick in bed with the flu."

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

When psychics fight.

'What's my Dad buying me for my Birthday?'

"It's seasonal, like the first gritters of Winter and the first cuckoos of Spring...the first pollsters of the election!"

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on...'

"OK, let's go to contract."

'Our rivals have issued a big profit warning, so we'll issue an even bigger warning.'

'Now do you think that's done any good?'

"You can be anything!". . . "Take whatever you can get."

Next week's hindsight today - The future is now next week.

'How much do you weigh?'

"Firstly I'd like to welcome our new board member, Madame Zelda...she'll be managing the futures market."

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'