Pragmatic Predictor Pillows

'I see things starting to break your way. Your computer will break down. Your car will break down...'

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

"Well, there's nowhere to go but up."

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

"We have reason to believe there may be some volatility in the fourth quarter."

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

'That is correct on so many levels Jenkins!'

'Ahh...I see you travelling far and wide on a long fruitless mission but you still can't find a town centre parking space this Christmas...'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"I see you coming into money, at least 50p for a cup of tea."

George Santayana

'Fortunes, Impressions, Hunches, Wild Guesses'

Never mind spring. What do you predict for the economy?

'I was trying to predict future market trends and the computer blew up!'

'The old one fell apart.'

"I'll have to cance your appointment for next Friday. I'm going to be sick in bed with the flu."

"I'll be right back."

'Do you think he'll win the second race?'

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

When psychics fight.

'What's my Dad buying me for my Birthday?'

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on...'

"It's seasonal, like the first gritters of Winter and the first cuckoos of Spring...the first pollsters of the election!"

"OK, let's go to contract."

'Our rivals have issued a big profit warning, so we'll issue an even bigger warning.'

'And right here the company experienced a cataclysmic event of biblical proportions.'

Psychic Advisor's Hotline. Now Hiring. Tell me, where do you see yourself in five years?

How to Game the Popularity Voter Whores

"You can be anything!". . . "Take whatever you can get."

'Now do you think that's done any good?'

'How much do you weigh?'

"Firstly I'd like to welcome our new board member, Madame Zelda...she'll be managing the futures market."

Next week's hindsight today - The future is now next week.