Practical Humorist Pillows

"I figured my family could use a padded cell. Actually, I just buy toilet paper in bulk."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

UK/US Free Trade Deal

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

No-Work Orange

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Trump! The Musical

Football Chameleon

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

'Poll results are in...90% of Americans can't spell Schwarzenneger.'

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

Spot the Difference - God/Uncle Sam

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

'We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, except for Hancock... who smells bad...'

"Beware of Don"

European Union: Entering a prohibitive tax zone.

Uncle Donnie

John F. Kennedy

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

Preliminary Price Tag: $5,000,000,000

"Look! Other people. We'll have to develop a foreign policy!"

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."