Post-vasectomy Recovery Gifts

"It'll have to stay on until your vasectomy heals..."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

En garde!

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

EAR, NOSE AND THROAT CLINIC: "You want me to drive?"

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

'I've found the blockage it looks like your gastric band!'

The incomplete Angler

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'We can always hope he's a zombie.'

"There were some squiggly bits left over after the operation, so we gave you a doggie bag."