Post-vasectomy Gifts

Man post-vasectomy is target for dog. 'Ughhh, this vasectomy is killing me. What are you looking at?'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

Dog wearing a cone

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

EAR, NOSE AND THROAT CLINIC: "You want me to drive?"

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

Day one, post grad

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

'I've found the blockage it looks like your gastric band!'

"There were some squiggly bits left over after the operation, so we gave you a doggie bag."

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"Don't get me wrong. I think it's great that Barbara decided she wanted to start exercising more after her surgery."

"I'll have someone come in and prep you for the bill."

'Now dear, it may be Thanksgiving, but stop referring to your aunt's gallbladder as a giblet.'

Elderly gent keeps his hip in a bottle

"Couldn't you have waited till she was smiling before you injected the botox?"

"It'll have to stay on until your vasectomy heals..."

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

'There's been unexpected complications involving your husband's bill.'

Patient after an appendix operation

"Try and get some rest and in a week or two we'll put your brain back in."

"Hey! What's with the 'home run trot'? You struck out!"

"Hip Op? I thought you meant we were going to a hip-hop dance. . ."

"Since the operation, the slightest thing sets him off."