Undergoing Vasectomy Gifts

'Vasectomy Clinic.'

Vasectomy Clinic: Convert to Unleaded Here

The Anti-Agent

"Good For You / Bad For You"

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

UK border controls relaxed.

High security Santa's grotto

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"He's a guard dog."

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"I see you've security marked your property."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

The Scanner Of Love.

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

A Little Extra

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Scarecrows guarding a field

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

Death to the Extremists

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

Moulin Rouge Security

"Beware of Don"

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

The Best Defense

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"We've been cancelled."

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'