Post-pregnancy Journey Pillows

'I seem to have lost the body I had before I had children.'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

"I'm so good at this!"

'This is not fair, mom. . . none of my friends is forced to hibernate before December.'

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

'My obstetrician recommended I nurture it in the interest of science.'

"Bless, Poppy's first tweet!"

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

'He's more supportive after his nap.'

"You try staying this this after giving birth two million times."

Preparing for a new arrival

'Hold it!'

Biological Alarm Clock.

Doctor has the taste for patients urine samples.

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

"Why are you special? Because I'm your mommy, and I'm special."

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

Waiting Room

'It's the only way I was able to lose those last 10 pounds after Jason was born.'

Please take a number.

Obstetrics.

'At this rate nine months is going to take forever.'

''D' is for 'Despair'; 'E' is for 'Exhaustion'.'

Hormones before and after pregnancy.

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I'll never watch Alien again!!

"We discussed a lot of options but decided on a water birth."

"Your baby is fine, but we're keeping her overnight as a precaution. Here's a loaner."

'We can't win. Mum keeps telling us to play quietly, and when we do, she thinks we're up to something!'

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

"That's my baby brother? Then why'd you eat him?"