Positive Aging Advocate Pillows

Don't call me old...I prefer 'chronologically challenged'.

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

'I'm feeling so good, I'm worried I may catch some uplift anxiety.'

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"I come from the future."

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

A senior moment.

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

Not a Work Place, a Wow Place.

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"He's always been an optimist."

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the best facelift of them all?

'Of course I'll love you when you 'go grey'... Why shouldn't I... I've loved you through six other shades!'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"When I was your age I would have snagged that before it hit the ground."

'I wish I had more hair.' 'Don't be a silly billy. You've got plenty of hair. Here's your bald, I mean your boiled, egg.'

'You know you're getting older when the old 'fire in your belly' is actually acid reflux.

An extremely general practitioner

"Another birthday. I feel like a dinosaur."

'The sleigh's at the Smithsonian, the reindeer are at the museum of natural history, and Santa is at a retirement community somewhere in Florida.'