Aging Acceptance Advocate Pillows

'Honey, its for you.'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"We REALLY do get better with age."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"I come from the future."

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

"Losing your fizz is very common for a man your age."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

A senior moment.

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the best facelift of them all?

Don't laugh - when you get old, your neck will get saggy, too.

'Of course I'll love you when you 'go grey'... Why shouldn't I... I've loved you through six other shades!'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

"When I was your age I would have snagged that before it hit the ground."

'I wish I had more hair.' 'Don't be a silly billy. You've got plenty of hair. Here's your bald, I mean your boiled, egg.'

'You know you're getting older when the old 'fire in your belly' is actually acid reflux.

An extremely general practitioner

"Another birthday. I feel like a dinosaur."

'The sleigh's at the Smithsonian, the reindeer are at the museum of natural history, and Santa is at a retirement community somewhere in Florida.'