Ageing Gracefully Advocate Pillows

'You know you've reached menopause when your granddaughter asks you when she'll be old enough to shave.'

"I was on hormone replacement for two years before I realized I needed Steve replacement."

"Anchored on the far side, we have the oldest ship in the fleet."

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the best facelift of them all?

Atlas - The later years

'I hear she had her face lifted.'

Middle aged woman without bra.

"Wrong! I've got a full time job. . . it's called old age."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Parts Department

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

"I noticed a few browns."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

Aging Problems

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"You're right, they are statins."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"I come from the future."

"Miriam keeps me young."